 Humor
Humor J
After the dedication of his baby brother in church, Jason was sobbing on the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "The preacher said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys." Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping." +++++ A boy, visiting the U.S. Senate with his father, asked him,"What does the Chaplain of Congress do?" The father answered, "He stands up, looks at Congress, and prays for the country." -- Holy Humor, p. 6 -- +++++ It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, five-year-old Nathan had to stay home from church with a baby-sitter. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his older brother Mark explained. "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one week I don't go to church, He showed up!" "Sorry," said the 'biblical' scholar. "But that wasn't the Red Sea; it was the Reed Sea. And its water is only about 1 foot deep. No miracle was involved." "Oh," said Timmy.Then, reading on a little more, he said, "Wow! What a miracle! God drowned all those Egyptians in 1 foot of water!" +++++ In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whenever something went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a minister nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the minister to talk with the boys. The father agreed. The mother went to the minister and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the minister. The minister sat the boy down on the other side of his huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the minister pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing. Again, louder, the minister pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the minister leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?" The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in B-I-I-I-I-G trouble now!" The older boy asked, "What do you mean, B-I-I-I-I-G trouble?" His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Frog Competition There once was a bunch of tiny frogs, Always think: With God's strength... I can do this ! Woman to Pastor: "You don't know how much your sermons have meant to my husband since he lost his mind." You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If: The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase
of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
The Atheist and the Bear As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the grizzly was closing. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him. "OH MY GOD!..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years.... But perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?" "VERY WELL," said the voice. Then the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head, and prayed, "Lord, for this food which I am about to partake, I am truly thankful. Amen." Acts 2:38 Polygamy Question A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters." Church Bulletin Bloopers
During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege The church will host an evening of fine dining, This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. The pastor will preach his farewell message, Remember in prayer the many The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the Church. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again", A keynote speaker at a religious convention came to the podium, shuffled his notes, scanned the audience, and said, thoughtfully: "Where to begin? Where to begin?" A voice in the crowd yelled: "As close to the end as possible!" -- Holy Humor, p. 5 -- "These things I have spoken to you
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