The Atheist and the Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods, admiring all of the "accidents" that evolution had created.  "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals", he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the grizzly was closing.  Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

"OH MY GOD!..."

Time stopped. The bear froze.  The forest was silent.  Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky,... "YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO A COSMIC ACCIDENT.  DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT?  AM I TO NOW COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years....  But perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed.

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
of church services when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its
valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"  (Repent and be
baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be
forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had
done.  As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked
the burglar, "Why did you just stand there?  All the old lady
did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar.

"I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!"

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument 
on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions
justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite
any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.

"Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."

Red Sea Miracle

"Wow!" Timmy said. "God parted the Red Sea and let all His people through on dry ground!"

"Sorry," said the 'biblical' scholar.  "But that wasn't the Red Sea; it was the Reed Sea.  And its water is only about 1 foot deep.  No miracle was involved."

Where Is God?

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whenever something went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a minister nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the minister to talk with the boys. The father agreed.

The mother went to the minister and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the minister. The minister sat the boy down on the other side of his huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other.

Finally, the minister pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the minister pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing.

A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the minister leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked "Where is God?"

The boy panicked and ran all the way home.

Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in B-I-I-I-I-G trouble now!"

The older boy asked, "What do you mean, B-I-I-I-I-G trouble?"

Palm Sunday

It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, five-year-old Nathan had to stay home from church with a baby-sitter. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for.

"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his older brother Mark explained.

 "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed.
"The one week I don't go to church, He showed up!"

The pastor will preach his farewell message,
after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many
who are sick of our church and community.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet
in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis
to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking
tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.
Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again",
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.  

These things I have spoken to you
that my joy may be in you,
and your joy may be full.

--  John 15:11